Lonely, Even When Surrounded by People: The Isolation Families Miss

Loneliness does not always look like being alone. It can look like a full schedule with no one to really talk to.

What 20 years of visits revealed

Before he co-founded Mint Home Care, Niran Gunaratnam spent close to 20 years volunteering through his church, visiting residents of a large continuing care retirement community near Washington, DC. He describes residents who had everything taken care of: "They live in this beautiful community where all their meals are taken care of, various activities, amenities, you name it."

What many of them did not have was connection. "What they are missing is the emotional connection with people," he says. "A lot of times they're lonely. They really don't have anybody to talk to." Some had a son who called once a month, and that was it.

Why it matters for your parent

Isolation is easy to miss from a distance because the signs are quiet. A parent may stop mentioning friends, lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, or keep phone calls short. We look at what loneliness does to health in more detail in what loneliness does to an aging body.

A few questions worth asking yourself:

• When did your parent last spend real time with someone who was there just for them?
• Do they talk about anyone besides family and staff?
• Are they going to activities, or only signed up for them?